This is the final installment of my three-part series on the cost of authentic leadership. We've talked about the cost of standing alone and the cost of consistency. Now, I want to tap into the last one: the cost of being a mirror.
When you walk in authenticity, you hold up a mirror. Some will love you for it, and others will resist you for it.
Your Clarity Reflects Their Confusion
Authentic leaders become mirrors because your clarity reflects other people’s confusion. Your clarity of who you are and how you're walking in your authority, your power, your presence—it reflects others' confusion.
I know this so well. When I decided to be the kind of heart-centered leader that walks around in peace and love, other leaders' confusion began to start shrieking. They told me, "you got to stop saying love". But I continued to be consistent with my message: "Hey, you're loved and appreciated" and "I am going to bring peace to this situation". I am remembered for being a leader who could shift the atmosphere from chaos to calm. So, I encourage you: don't allow others to cause you to change. Be consistent with who you were destined to be.
Your Healing Reflects Their Unhealed Parts
Your healing reflects others' unhealed parts. This is such a rich revelation that I learned. During the double pandemic crisis in 2020, I had already been doing the work on becoming healed as an African American and as a nurse leader who has experienced different types of trauma because of the color of my skin. Because I had done the work, it was easier for me to navigate these courageous, compassionate cultural conversations.
My healing reflected the unhealed parts of others. I had a couple of peers tell me, "Charlene, I am not saying anything because I'm hurt". I honor someone that's not able to talk about it because it was so painful. But my assignment at that time was to use my voice to bring transformation. Fortunately, they were really close friends, and I was able to help them through that unhealed part to become healed.
Your Boundaries Reflect Where Others Have None
Your boundaries reflect where others have none. I remember when I began putting those boundaries in place, especially around leaving work on time instead of staying 10, 12, or 14 hours a day. There was a time where I had to say, "Okay, Charlene, if you're going to take care of yourself, you have got to reduce those hours". When I did that, people started saying, "Oh my gosh, Charlene doesn't really care. She's just leaving". But no, I was very determined and intentional about bringing well-being to myself, and I knew that leaving was a practice I had to start to develop.
The Resistance to Your Growth
Not everyone is ready to see themselves. Sometimes their discomfort with your growth will show up as resistance, gossip, or distance. Because I was operating from a "love flow," I tended to get a little bit of resistance from people above me. They would say, "You know, you really shouldn't say 'you're loved and appreciated,' not in this corporate space".
But that's not your burden. It's your confirmation. You were never called to shrink to make others comfortable. In 2020, the word I got was, "what you do in this moment will determine your destiny and dictate your future". So I had to move from anguish and frustration to action and impact, and that meant I had to start using my voice. It was my moment to speak up.
The cost of being real is being misunderstood, but your growth is not up for negotiation. You are not just leading a team; you're modeling what it looks like to be emotionally intelligent, spiritually grounded, and led by your heart.
I’ll leave you with a few key points:
Your alignment may agitate others, but it will also activate the right people.
Leading with integrity forces others to reflect on their own behavior.
Your soul work will disturb any space that has normalized dysfunction.
So I have one question for you: Where are you dimming your light to avoid becoming a mirror?
Thank you so much for listening. And remember, well-being starts when we're within; we're doing the inside-out job.
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